Why don't you get another job?

My mind falls flat on the pavement when I stare at the screen. Thoughts of others and lives and losses flood my mind. A suggestion, a call for help. A weight on my chest for months now. I keep wondering what I did wrong or what it was I could have did right or different. Stand straight, eyes forward, nails are clean. Falling in line. More like falling. I lost sleep some years ago and I wish I could find it. Sometimes I hope it will come back to the stoop looking for food. Then we could rekindle our lost friendship. Its hard to let go. Its hard to give up. Its hard to be someone you are not. Its hard to take a loss. I'm not dead yet. My heart still beats. I have work, I have my books. I have my hands. My hands have never let me down. They are strong. They are happy to hold the hammer, the knife, the gun. They are happy with these tools. We become proficient in our 40 hour a week life. We become needed, we become loved. That was my flaw, I forgot I was at work, its all a job.